


Crystal Memories

by Mother_North



Series: Misc. [5]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Abstract, All Hail Crystal Fairy, Character Study, Emotional, FAOI 2019, Feels, Gen, Gen Work, Introspection, Metaphors, Non-Linear Narrative, POV First Person, Psychology, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Yuzuru's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 12:54:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20026159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_North/pseuds/Mother_North
Summary: Yuzuru is skating “Crystal Memories” to ToshI’s vocals.The feels, the thoughts…





	Crystal Memories

**Author's Note:**

> I am deeply moved by Yuzuru’s performance. The song lyrics are in italics.
> 
> *+:｡.｡aka All Hail the Crystal Fairy｡.｡:+* 
> 
> RPF disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and it is not meant to offend anyone. It is a product of author’s imagination only. All thoughts, actions and emotions described below have nothing to do with reality.

**

**POV Yuzuru**

Movement is Beauty. Beauty is movement.

My body is my ultimate instrument; it is my canvas and my paintbrush. I capture emotions in each gesture, I live though each of them with the scariest intensity. I make them _mine _in front of everyone’s adoring eyes. I am the focus of attention, having the crowd at the palm of my hand.

Beauty ennobles and transforms. My prime objective is to dissolve in it through motion, to embody the perfection and to make them see it, to make them truly feel it every single time I am on the ice. I trace its pristine white surface with my fingertips to establish a connection.

It lets me be alive. It makes me dream big, letting my mind travel to unfathomable heights, which are yet to be conquered.

The crystal image is breaking into thousands of sparkling shards and one of them pierces my heart as I throw my head back in inspired agony, seemingly flying across the skating-rink. The audience catches its breath, savouring moments of pure artistic glory and I am thriving on the energy pouring into my veins – collective admiration with a tint of subdued desire.

_No matter how much pain you feel_

_You’ll return with love_

They claim me – the Performer, the Artist. I am losing myself to them and it is when I am the happiest: exalted, worshipped, _real_.

A leap that defies laws of gravity is nothing but a part of intricate choreography, inextricably interwoven into a program. Strokes of my sharp blades create patterns on the ice and I want them to be exquisite and meaningful. They are meant to tell a story of flights and crashes, of obstacles overcome and cruel whims of fate ridiculed.

Despite everything I keep on moving without a pause, not sparing myself in the slightest. Stopping is dying, it signifies stagnation and I have no idea whether I’ll be able to _really stop_ one day… I pray that day never comes.

_Open your arms wide_

_Listen to your breath_

_It is not the length of life but the depth of life _

Memories of triumphs and tears of joy, accomplishments and the sweetest fulfillment to fight emotional bankruptcy and despair that come when dark moods sweep over me. Oversensitive to the point of pain, I am the one to take everything straight to my heart, not shying away from the consequences of my choices, always aware of the reactions they might provoke.

At times, I sense foul energy emanating from spectators. It is impossible to be loved by everyone. I shield from it with the ferociousness and abandon of my performance; ill wishes are deflected by the _crystal sword _forged in the furnace of my soul.

I know they can’t hurt me. They can’t reach me because I won’t let them. I am wearing my heart on sleeve for all to see. I won’t stray from the way I’ve chosen, no matter what it takes.

ToshI-san’s powerful vocal engulfs me, each cell of my body vibrating in the same frequency as his; my confluence with the music is absolute and musical notes are bursting in my heaving chest like tiny sparkling bubbles.

Artistic ecstasy and freedom; my very essence is on the display.

_Change reality._

I am the master of my destiny and nobody else.

Concerned voices behind my back are whispering in hushed tones, scared and overwhelmed:

“Will he ever stop? For how much longer will he continue destroying his body? It is on the verge of obsession and such self-destructive tendencies are getting dangerous. Quad Axel? Quad Flip? Quad Lutz? Has he gone insane?!”

Disbelievers.

I keep on smiling, thinking of the small boy with a cute “mushroom” haircut and the eyes that are haunting me still, after all of these years. He knew how to dream and he never let an ounce of doubt creep into his soul to corrupt his dreams. He wasn’t afraid…But I do... sometimes.

_When it is dark enough, you can see the stars_

_Don’t be afraid_

_Believe in yourself_

Ever since _that fateful night_, with its twinkling of stars and dead silence. I remember thinking the night sky is an illimitable ocean that is ready to swallow me up. I would have been grateful if it really did but it didn’t and after prolonged periods of severe emotional anguish and excruciating guilt I learned how to fly again.

_Crystal memories_ are the essential part of who I am, of who I was meant to be: shining in the darkest hour with the light of a newly-obtained hope.

I won’t let them break into pieces anymore; shattered and torn – I am as alive as ever. I’ll remain true to my heart and to all of the things I am aiming for.

The arrow, that doesn’t err from its target.

I bow down, high from the applause and the exhilarating realization that nothing is in vain.

Movement is Beauty. Beauty is movement.

I am the Movement. The Beauty is me.

_Beyond time and space._

_To the end of the world._

**

**Author's Note:**

> Go & watch "Crystal Memories" some more :)


End file.
